


forever and a day

by bbybeomah



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Canon Compliant, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Jinyoung and Jaebum are emotionally constipated in 2016, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Star-crossed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28333119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbybeomah/pseuds/bbybeomah
Summary: Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.You gave me forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful. - JGA collection of one-shots for the soulmates, Im Jaebeom and Park Jinyoung.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 13
Kudos: 68





	1. 1+1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebum knows those red-rimmed eyes more than anybody. 
> 
> "Will you still be waiting for me — 7 or Never, that's what we always said, right?"

_forever and a day_

  
  
  
  


_chapter one_ — _1+1_

_You and I are true 1+1_

_I'll bе with you at any time_

_Yesterday, today, and tomorrow_

/ / 

  
_December, 2020_

He knows that Jinyoung _thinks_ he did a good job of hiding his red-rimmed eyes during the fanmeet - that he could shrug it off as bad lighting or being too hot - but Jaebeom actually _knows_ Jinyoung. 

And he's seen those watery, red-rimmed eyes far too often to simply pass off as "bad lighting," not when he knows Jinyoung's heart almost better than he knows his own. 

Over a decade spent together would do that to you, Jaebeom muses. 

So he lets himself into Jinyoung's apartment, languidly pressing in the passcode and pushing the door open so that Jinyoung has plenty of time to hear him coming. He's a little bit surprised that it's so dark inside when he enters, toeing his sneakers off and placing them neatly beside Jinyoung's loafers. If the digital clock on the far side of the living room is correct, the numbers _11:15_ burning neon red against the blanket of dark engulfing Jinyoung's apartment, then it’s still much too early for him to be asleep.

Jaebeom knows all-too-well that the younger man usually heads to bed around one or two in the morning, an unfortunate by-product of years spent at recording studios, dance practices or film sets late into the night. _Post-performance-afterglow_ was a legitimate thing, with Jinyoung suffering from the worst of it, unable to shut off his brain and buzzing limbs to fall asleep instantly like Yugyeom and Mark could.

Aside from that, he's even more surprised when he hears the low, sweet melody of a familiar - _bittersweet,_ he corrects himself - soundtrack, the sounds wafting around the dark room. 

_Verse 2,_ Jaebeom realizes. _That's strange_ — _Jinyoung never listens to his own music at home._

Jaebeom needed only a glance at the silhouette on the couch to know that Jinyoung was there, laid haphazardly against the cushions and without a blanket or pillow. He flicks on a lamp, its dim light casting streaks across Jinyoung's body, who’s still clad in the hoodie and sweats he changed into after the broadcast. 

On nights just like this, back in the dorm they used to share, Jaebeom would usually be next to Jinyoung in the living room, pretending to read or work on music just so he could nag the younger boy to go to sleep the second he noticed his eyelids fluttering in exhaustion. When he sits next to him tonight, he notes that Jinyoung is very much still the same boy, just… grown into a man’s body. He’s careful not to jostle Jinyoung or the cushions; when Jinyoung hums tiredly and unconsciously tucks his feet under Jaebeom’s thigh, there's a bittersweet tang of nostalgia on his tongue that Jaebeom tries very hard to ignore. 

In the warmth and quiet of Jinyoung's apartment, Jaebeom's eyes find the younger's peaceful, sleeping face, feeling inexplicably regretful that Jinyoung's usual aegyo-sal has been replaced by real, hardened eye bags and dark circles that are visible to him, even past the concealer and makeup that Jinyoung had clearly been too exhausted to take off before falling asleep. 

A stray hand finds Jinyoung’s ankle, Jaebeom looping his fingers around it, absently stroking the skin there with the pad of his thumb. _I came here to comfort Jinyoung, but now it seems like I'm only comforting myself,_ Jaebeom contemplates, noticing his own abating anxiety just from being in Jinyoung's slumbering presence. 

" _Hy-ung?”_ comes Jinyoung's sleep-laced voice, and Jaebeom's eyes flicker to his. "What are you…. what are you doing here?" 

Jaebeom removes his fingers from Jinyoung's ankle, flushing slightly at being caught. 

"Sorry Jinyoungie, I didn't mean to wake you up. I didn't think you'd be asleep so early. Wanted to come see how you were doing." he explains. Jinyoung pushes himself up slowly, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and swinging his legs back over the sofa's edge. 

"It's okay, hyung — I didn't even mean to fall asleep yet. Must have just happened," Jinyoung replies, scrunching his dark brows together as if trying to piece together a puzzle. He gives up after a moment, craning his neck to look at the older boy sitting at the end of his couch. "Is something wrong? Did you want to talk about something?" 

_Yes,_ Jaebeom wants to say, but Jinyoung looks so terribly worn out (and _confused, now)_ , that he just shakes his head. Jinyoung knows his hyung better than that, though, so he lets out a long exhale, his chest falling. "I’m fine, hyung. I was just a bit down that we haven't been able to meet our fans this year. It made me a little emotional. You didn’t need to come here just for that.”

"Have you been eating properly?" Jaebeom changes the subject, cocking his head at him and studying the younger man's frame with a searing gaze that he wasn't able to earlier. 

Jinyoung looks puzzled, "Wh- of course, how can I not, when you keep calling manager- _hyung_ to buy me meat and home run balls every other day?" 

"I know you've been really busy. And it looks like you passed out after the broadcast today and you didn't even change — so I wasn't sure if you ate, either." Jaebeom bristles. He lifts himself from the couch, standing just before where Jinyoung is still seated. 

_You’re always gone and I can’t follow you anymore, can’t take care of you anymore,_ he wishes he could add. 

The younger looks away in defeat, shying away from Jaebeom's piercing eyes. How did this man manage to read him like a book, _always?_

Jaebeom's palms find Jinyoung's shoulders a moment later, rubbing softly. "Come on, Jinyoung-ah. Let's get you to sleep." 

He curls his fingers around Jinyoung's shoulders, hauling him to his feet and leading him to the washroom by the wrist. It does not escape Jaebeom the way Jinyoung drags his feet, or how his hand hangs limply from Jaebeom's sturdy grip. 

He seats Jinyoung down on the closed toilet seat, murmuring a _be-right-back_ to the younger male before he disappears, returning a moment later with shorts and a t-shirt that looks at least three sizes too big for him. "Change," he commands gently, pushing the garments into Jinyoung's hands and turning to both give him privacy and soak a cotton pad with micellar water. 

Jinyoung grumbles slightly, "We haven't lived together for years, and yet you still show up and baby me." 

Jaebeom turns back to him, a somewhat exasperated expression on his face, "Do I complain this much when you show up at my place and do the same?" he shoots back. He doesn't give Jinyoung much of a chance to respond, though, reaching forward to sweep the other man's bangs back with careful palms, the movement unassuming, yet scarily intimate. 

Jinyoung sucks in a little breath, stilling himself against the heat emanating from Jaebeom's fingers. Wolfish black eyes lock with deep almonds, and he knows that behind their banter there's only fondness. Jaebeom watches as Jinyoung follows the movement of his hand behind soft, fluttering black lashes. He flinches slightly when the wet cotton pad touches the warm, flushed skin of his cheek.

They fall into silence, then, as Jaebeom begins his task, rubbing the cotton pad against Jinyoung's cheeks, taking extra care when he removes the makeup from his eyes and around his nose.

Jaebeom may look like all harsh angles and severe expressions — but if the tender way the older man removes Jinyoung's makeup is any indication, one would say that Jaebeom is _really_ all soft lines and smiles, docile and affectionate like the cats he so loves. 

Jinyoung is still staring at him after he's done, eyes heavy with something that Jaebeom can't put a name to. He clears his throat, brushing Jinyoung's bangs back over his forehead. "All done, 'Nyoung," he says, dropping his hands back to his sides. 

Just as he steps back to tidy up, the younger male is quick to reach out to Jaebeom’s wrists, circling his hands around them and pulling him back. His head bows against Jaebeom's abdomen with a heavy, familiar weight, shoulders sagging. 

"I...." Jinyoung begins, but the words escape him. Jaebeom's front is warm against his face, even through his t-shirt.

Jaebeom allows the other boy to rest against him, to collect his thoughts. He brings one hand up to nestle against Jinyoung’s head, carding his fingers through silky raven strands, while his other finds the soft, tanned skin of Jinyoung's nape. 

The strong front Jinyoung attempted to put up instantly crumbles under Jaebeom's caress. He blinks back hot, wet tears, the knot in his throat expanding painfully until he feels like suffocating. 

“It’s okay, Jinyoung. You can let it out. I’m here.”

Jaebeom’s voice reverberates from deep within his chest, the vibration of it breaking all of Jinyoung’s resolve to keep his tears at bay. 

His sobs are quiet as he slumps forwards further, fingers clutching at Jaebeom's shirt, as if the older boy is the only thing that can anchor him to the ground. He tries very hard to _explain, say anything_ to his leader, but when he opens his mouth all that comes out is broken incoherence, ' _BH entertainment meetings'_ and ' _i-would-never-leave-you's.'_

Jaebeom steels himself against the sudden confessions and the tears dampening his shirt, pulling the other boy closer into his arms. A regretful feeling is heavy in his heart as he puts together the pieces of Jinyoung's hiccupy rambles — he knew that the news breaking on Dispatch affected the younger man no matter how hard he tried to play it off, no less on the day of their online fanmeet. 

"Am I being selfish, hyung?" Jinyoung finally says, reaching up to rub off the last of his tears with his palms. 

Jaebeom pulls back slightly, his hands curling loosely around the sides of Jinyoung's face. "Of course not, Jinyoungie. Nobody thinks you are — not our fans, not the members, not me. Maybe management is stressed about trying to re-sign you… and they _should_ be. You can't be replaced by anyone." 

His black eyes lock with Jinyoung's, imploring the younger to understand. 

Jinyoung lets out a shaky, humourless laugh. "I — _we_ spent over half of our lives training and being _idols..._ but now that there's only two years left, it just doesn't seem like enough time to do all that we wanted to, to establish ourselves before we leave. I'm.... _scared._ " 

_Enlistment_ — the word is unspoken but clear between them. 

Jaebeom's eyes soften at him, "You're working so hard, and barely sleeping, barely eating, Jinyoung-ah," there's a hint of admiration in his tone. "I would never tell you that you need to stop - but don't forget that your fans are going to support you no matter what you decide to do. When you come back, they'll be waiting." 

"What about you, Jaebeom?" Jinyoung replies, voice barely above a whisper. He watches the older boy's Adam's apple bob beneath the smooth skin of his neck as he swallows slowly.

"What do you mean?" Jaebeom asks, throat dry. 

Jinyoung clutches at Jaebeom's shirt so hard that his knuckles turn white, pulling back further to stare at him with dark, blown-out eyes, expression unreadable. 

"Will you still be _waiting for me_ — _if_ negotiations with the company fail and I single-handedly ruin the team that we spent our teenage years wishing for, watching dance tutorials together in my shitty little bunk bed at the dorm?" he bites out, eyes watery again. " _7 or Never, that's what we always said, right?”_

"Of course I will be." Jaebeom says, not missing a beat. The other boy's eyes widen in surprise briefly, before he drops his head again, bumping Jaebeom's chest. 

"You could never break the team apart, Jinyoung-ah..." he mumbles, tilting his head down to press his lips against the ravenette's hair. "Where'd you get a crazy idea like that? And — yeah, _I'll_ be waiting for you, no matter what. Our tombstones are going to be next to each other, remember?" 

Jinyoung releases the death-grip he has on Jaebeom's shirt, snaking his hands up to where Jaebeom's are still resting against the sides of his face. He entwines his cool fingers with the other boy's, squeezing lightly. 

"Jaebeom-hyung," Jinyoung sighs, turning his head slightly, brushing his lips against Jaebeom's palm. "Can you stay tonight?" 

He closes his eyes as he waits for the answer. 

"Yeah," Jaebeom exhales. "I'll stay." 

_I'll always stay._

  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to call this... angst without plot? AngstWhatPlot? 
> 
> I had this idea about JY/JB and cleaning each other's make-up off... and then I saw the news about JY meeting with BH Entertainment, and in the 6th fanmeet group photos he LOOKED a little bit teary at the end. So... this is basically my coping mechanism. 
> 
> A quick disclaimer - I am NOT saying JY is leaving GOT7 or JYPE - this is just a product of my overactive imagination! 
> 
> Anyway, this is my first work for AO3, I hope you enjoyed it. Any kudos/comments/feedback are so, so appreciated.


	2. mayday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jaebeom is injured and unable to participate in GOT7's first concerts in Seoul, Jinyoung gets a taste of a path walked without him for the first time. Naturally, he shuts him out, until a certain blonde urges him to tell him how he feels.

_forever and a day_

  
  


_chapter two — mayday_

_I am still afraid of this dark path_

_I don’t know where I’m going but_

_If you can hold my hand_

_Whatever I do, wherever I end up_

_Whatever is front of me_

_I will fly together with you_

/ / 

  
_April, 2016_

The faint tapping at Jinyoung's sliding glass doors makes him look up from his notebook and peer through the window. The maknaes’ room was dark, as they were inevitably dead asleep due to the late hour and the massive amount of energy they burned off at their first concert. The shower-fresh damp blonde hair of Jackson's head is blinding even in the darkness and when Jinyoung catches his eye, the other boy beams back at him, sliding the door open and letting himself in. 

"Jinyoung-ah!" the Hong Kong native says by way of greeting. "You're still up. As I thought." 

Jinyoung raises a brow at the other boy, dropping his pen against the notebook in his lap. "Did you come here at 2 in the morning just to say… that?" he asks. 

Jackson feigns hurt feelings, clutching at his chest. "Ouch _—_ and here I was, trying to check up on a dear friend," he sighs dramatically. "You pain me so, Jinyoung-ah. What did I ever do to deserve this?" 

"Alright, sorry, Jackson," Jinyoung replies, realizing that his first response _did_ come out rather snippy. "What's up?" 

The older boy smiles again, easily placated by Jinyoung's apology. "Well, just as I said. Just wanted to check up on you. That cold shoulder you've been giving our dear leader hyung since last week has become painfully obvious to everyone else and not saying anything to him on the night after our first concert was just downright awkward. Sorry, am I being too forward?"

Jinyoung raises his eyebrows, mouth dropping slightly at Jackson's frankness. "You… _what_ ? I'm not _—_ I'm not ignoring him." he stammers, though judging by the look on the other boy's face, he isn't convinced. 

Jackson gives him a pointed look, moving to sit down next to Jinyoung where he lays on top of his bed. " _Jinyoung-ah,_ " he says slowly, placing a hand on Jinyoung's shin and squeezing tightly. "When I say _painfully obvious,_ I really mean it. You went from ordering Jaebeom hyung's morning coffee _exclusively,_ to treating him like wallpaper. And he may not say anything but he sure looks more confused as the days go on." 

"This was not the conversation I was expecting to have this late at night." Jinyoung pinches his nose-bridge, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the headboard. 

"As your best friend, I can only allow you to mope around for up to one week at a time before I have to intervene," Jackson says seriously, patting Jinyoung's leg a few times for good measure. "Seriously, what's up? You know I'm here for you." 

Jinyoung just sighs. 

Jackson's eyebrows knit up in a too-adorable fashion, and immediately Jinyoung thinks of a puppy that's just been kicked. 

"Okay, fine," Jackson throws his hands up. "We don't need to talk about it right now. What's that you're working on?" he makes a gesture to the forgotten notebook on Jinyoung's lap. 

Jinyoung looks down at the page he was working on in consternation, although relieved Jackson has momentarily dropped the subject. "I'm re-working the lyrics for _Mayday.”_

He seems genuinely surprised for a moment, leaning over the younger boy to take a look. "Oh wow, really? I thought the song already got approved for the next album. You're changing it now?" 

"Yeah," Jinyoung lets out shakily, suddenly feeling very naked as Jackson studies the words that have been scratched out and then scratched out again. He has half the mind to snatch the book away from him, but he knows that Jackson _—_ and everyone _else_ , for that matter _—_ would eventually see the new lyrics when they go to record.

Jackson's bleached eyebrows furrow together as he reads the lines that are even still legible, an unruly mess of scribbles and scratches, "I _— oh.”_ he looks at the younger boy with a sad, knowing look that makes Jinyoung want to lay back and disappear into his mattress. 

"Oh, Jinyoung-ah," Jackson sighs, flopping down next to him. He winds his hands behind his head and stares up at the ceiling pensively. "You really should just talk to him." Jinyoung just hums in response. 

  
  


/ / 

  
  


The next day's concert comes and goes in the blink of an eye, this time with the injured leader making his way on stage for the encore and the goodbyes. At this, Jinyoung is _genuinely_ very surprised, and even if he and the other members played it off coolly in front of the audience, it was still very much _unplanned._

Jaebeom definitely got an earful from the other members, mostly from Jackson who had even attempted to stop the older boy from bowing too deeply and straining his back. But from the moment Jaebeom stepped on the stage until even now, when they were finally back at the dorm and most of the members were asleep, Jinyoung couldn't ignore the irritation he felt towards the leader. 

He flips on his side once, twice, three times _—_ until he gives up, huffing bitterly at his brain's inability to _shut up and stop thinking,_ and gets up with the intention of slugging back a big glass of water. 

As he sneaks out of his makeshift closet and through the maknaes’ room, curiously, he notes that one of the dim lights of the kitchen is on. _Which of those kids left the lights on now,_ he starts to think, until he rounds the corner and the tall, broad form of his oldest companion comes into view. 

He freezes: Jinyoung watches the older boy, who has yet to notice Jinyoung's presence, move to open one of the taller cabinets in the kitchen and suck in a painful breath through his teeth a moment later. Jaebeom keels forward, reaching behind himself to squeeze his lower-back and groans under his breath. 

"Hyung!" Jinyoung exclaims, rushing forward to the other boy. Jaebeom looks up in surprise at Jinyoung's sudden appearance. 

"Jinyoung, what are you doing here?" he manages, attempting to straighten up and hide what just transpired. 

Jinyoung looks at him in astonishment. "I _live_ here. What are _you_ doing _—_ more things to further injure yourself?" 

Jaebeom shakes his head at the clipped response from the younger man. "I didn't mean that, I meant why are you still awake after you just performed _two_ whole concerts? You should rest, Nyoung-ah. While you still can, before we get on the road for the rest of the tour."

The fact that Jaebeom is underplaying his injury and still _worrying_ about Jinyoung has the younger man's eyes softening at him _—_ especially after, as Jackson said, he'd given the leader the " _cold shoulder_ " for over a week now. 

"Let me… uh, let me give you a massage for your back, hyung." he replies after a moment. 

Jaebeom cocks an eyebrow at him, his hand still lingering on his back. "Did you even hear what I _—"_

" _—_ _then_ I will go to sleep. You could have prolonged your back injury today at the concert and now you just hurt it reaching up into the cupboard. I _saw_ you, Jaebeom-hyung. Just… let me do this." Jinyoung interrupts, and before the leader can protest, he's dragging him through the apartment and to his own bedroom. 

The air in his tiny room seems a little thinner, now that the two of them are inside. Jaebeom stands in the middle of his room, looking around as if he's in a foreign country, before his gaze settles back on the younger male questioningly. 

"Lay down," Jinyoung commands, nudging him by the shoulders towards his still-messy bed. "On your stomach." 

"This isn't necessary." Jaebeom protests, but obeys him nonetheless. He lays down on Jinyoung's bed, folding his arms beneath his chin and turning his head towards Jinyoung, who stands awkwardly near the edge of the bed. 

He sucks in a little breath before he clambers over top of the older boy, thighs resting on either side of his legs. "Is this okay?" he asks, waiting to see Jaebeom nod in response before settling his weight down against the older boy's hamstrings. 

Jinyoung settles into silence, peering at the form laying flat beneath him. Dark, highlighted hair splays just at the nape of Jaebeom's neck and fans out to the wide, muscular back hidden beneath a thin t-shirt. He brings his shaky fingers to the narrowest part of Jaebeom's waist _— where his disc injury is —_ and cautiously kneads it. The body of the older boy beneath him feels all-too-familiar to him, but at the same time he can't help but feel shameful for ignoring Jaebeom for so long. He rolls his thumbs up and down the well-developed muscles of Jaebeom's back, not limiting himself to the area that is injured. 

He's done this a million times, he thinks. He's received this a million times, too. 

In the dim light and peace granted by night time, without the other members knocking around the apartment, Jinyoung is transported back to a time when it was just the two of them. 

Just them two, in a too-big dorm, pressing each other's sore, aching muscles from hours of dancing and working out and other lessons. 

"Y-you can go harder, Jinyoung." Jaebeom says breathlessly, tucking his face further into his arms. This snaps Jinyoung out of his thoughts, and he complies immediately, satisfaction blooming in his stomach when Jaebeom moans softly in response. 

His fingers flutter from the center out, kneading and pinching, taking extra care between his thick, stringy muscles where his spine was undoubtedly still in pain. When Jaebeom continues to groan gently at the younger boy's deft movements, Jinyoung snakes his hands beneath the hem of Jaebeom's shirt. 

The older boy stills under the sudden touch on his skin, his satisfied moans halting in his throat. Jaebeom's body seems _too cold_ and Jinyoung's fingers _— too. hot._

"Jinyoung-ah." He swallows thickly. 

Jinyoung continues massaging him and hums in response "Yes, hyung?" 

"Umm, Jackson told me you were rewriting the lyrics for _Mayday,”_ he begins, turning his head back so that he can see the other boy again. Jinyoung's hands stop. 

He feels cold all of a sudden, white-hot shame and embarrassment pooling down his chest. "Ah, really? Did he tell you what I wrote?" 

Jaebeom shakes his head no, and the younger boy shakily continues his _too-close, too-familiar_ massage. "Not really," he replies. "Is it something you can't talk to me about?" 

"No," Jinyoung denies, Jaebeom's wolfish eyes too dark and penetrating. "When has there ever been something that I can't talk to you about?" 

"Strange," Jaebeom lets out a breathy chuckle. "There must be something, since you didn't talk to me this whole time since I told you guys about my back injury. Did I let you down that much?" 

Jinyoung scrunches his face at him, reaching to the leader's head and forcefully turning it face-down again. Jaebeom makes a little noise of protest, "Yah _—_ I'm hurt, remember?" he says, though the tone is playful. 

"Your head is fine," Jinyoung mutters. "And you didn't let me down. You didn't let _anyone_ down." 

He feels the faint laugh Jaebeom lets out by the reverberation through to where his fingers knead at his body. 

_You really should just talk to him._

_Just talk to him, Jinyoung-ah._

Jinyoung sighs, the words Jackson spoke to him last night echoing through his mind. 

"After the first chorus _—_ I changed that verse," he begins, and though Jaebeom doesn't respond, he knows that the older boy is listening carefully. His fingers rub strong circles against Jaebeom's back, insistent and imploring. " _Our radiant first flight / There were eyes on us and shadow-like hopes / They all turned away because we couldn't live up to them / I lightly smile but / My insides are twisted without anyone knowing about it."_

He recites the lyrics slowly in an attempt not to stammer, his baritone coming out deep from within his chest, heart beating painfully against his ribcage. Jaebeom seems to freeze under his touch, and the elder turns his head again to catch Jinyoung's almond eyes. Jinyoung stops his massage, withdrawing his hands from beneath the hem of Jaebeom's shirt to nervously place them in his own lap. 

"A-and the last bridge, I changed the whole thing," he continues, eyes fluttering from his hands to Jaebeom's scrutinizing gaze and back. " _I_ _am still afraid of this dark path / I don't know where I'm going but / If you can hold my hand / Whatever I do, wherever I end up, whatever is in front of me / I will fly together with you_." 

Jaebeom watches him with heavy, dark eyes; watches as the younger boy sitting atop him fidgets nervously and looks everywhere but down at Jaebeom. He turns, then, wriggling his body from beneath Jinyoung until he manages to sit up, Jinyoung's butt sliding back until he's seated between his shins. 

Silence stretches between the two boys, years of unspoken words suddenly piling between them. 

"I like it," Jaebeom finally says. "It's beautiful." 

Jinyoung finally looks back up at Jaebeom's face, bashful. "Really?" 

"Really." Jaebeom nods, reaching out a hand and grabbing Jinyoung's. When he traces circles against his palm, Jinyoung wracks his brain, thinking _breathe, you idiot_ _._

With his other hand, Jaebeom cups the other boy's shoulder, squeezing it firmly before allowing his hand to trail down the length of Jinyoung's arm. "Whatever is bothering you, Nyoung-ah, you can tell me. You can trust me." 

His words sound so terribly fond and sincere all at the same time that Jinyoung couldn't help but suddenly feel overwhelmed with emotion. Though painted to be a very patient person, he surely wasn't, and as the days of not talking continued to stack up between them, so did his melancholy. If what Jackson said was true and all the members noticed Jinyoung's aloofness, then certainly Jaebeom _knew_ of it and _felt_ it the most. 

And in his week "away" from Jaebeom, Jinyoung had come to the conclusion that when it came to them, he couldn't keep _doing_ it like this _—_ he needed to ascertain if the paths they currently traveled together would one day diverge or not. 

He couldn't imagine it. Not without Jaebeom. 

He exhales a shaky, broken laugh. 

"You know, hyung, it- it _hurt,_ when we became friends during training, just for you to treat me like a burden once we debuted," he begins, and the painful regret is obvious on Jaebeom's face. He squeezes Jinyoung's hand again, opens his mouth to say something but Jinyoung continues on, “and it _really hurt_ when you used to bring girls back to the dorm, or disappear all night behind mine and manager-hyung's back." 

"Jinyoung-ah..." Jaebeom's voice is soft and laced in remorse. 

"But, hyung, I _got_ it. I couldn't let my own feelings come between us, between the team _—_ I knew what I was giving up when I chose this life, even though I kept holding on to this stupid hope that I could keep a part of myself _just for me_. But I fell for the one person I knew I shouldn't have." 

As sad as Jinyoung's words are, and how _tired_ he seems, his eyes have never looked clearer. The longer he speaks the more the words just pour out, like a broken faucet. 

"I can _deal_ with all of that. But when you got hurt, I got the first taste of walking this _path_ without you. The one we dreamed about together all those years ago, singing and dancing together and making all these memories. I… I don't want to do it, if it isn't with you." 

He isn't entirely sure when it happens, as he is preoccupied with his impromptu confession, but Jinyoung is suddenly hyper-aware of the older boy's proximity; of Jaebeom's hands curled around the angle of his jaw, fingers splayed into his hair, how he'd been pulled closer into his lap. Jaebeom's _close_ , so close that his nose brushes the soft skin of his neck and he can smell the deeply comforting fragrance of the elder’s pine-scented body wash.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, lips just barely brushing Jinyoung's skin. "Sorry _— so sorry._ " 

Jinyoung swallows thickly, idly wondering if he'd made a mistake by finally confessing his feelings, if Jaebeom held him closely out of regret _—_ or something else entirely. 

"Jaebeom," Jinyoung chokes out, but he's silenced before he can continue. 

Soft lips are pressed against his own in an instant, Jaebeom's breath mingling with his own and warm against his face. And Jinyoung's brain stops, he melts _—_ completely unsure and uncaring of where his own body begins and where Jaebeom's ends, the older boy winding him closer and closer within his own larger frame.

The movement seems awkward, at first, like Jinyoung has completely forgotten how to kiss or be kissed. But at Jaebeom’s insistent pressure, he surrenders himself, hands clutching at Jaebeom's shoulders first, then wandering upwards, tangling his fingers in the older's soft, wavy hair. 

If this is going to be his one time to kiss the boy he's been in love with since he was a teenager _—_ then so be it. 

Jaebeom fingers grasp Jinyoung's nape, angling the younger male so that he gasps against his mouth. The leader moves deftly, _deliberately_ , running the tip of his tongue against Jinyoung’s plump lips. Jaebeom parts them, finding his tongue with his own, hot and wet and _so delicious,_ Jinyoung thinks.

Where Jaebeom’s hands touch him feels unbearably hot, his skin buzzing when the other boy flutters his fingers from his face, to his nape, dragging his palms down and around him until his arms are crossed tightly behind his back. Jaebeom presses his body closer, their chests flush against one another, and Jinyoung lets out an excited mewl.

He feels the years of unspoken words and careless overindulgement in front of the cameras — for the sake of _skinship —_ between them, in the way Jaebeom works his mouth and tongue on him, suckling Jinyoung’s bottom lip between his teeth and biting _hard._ The pain elicits a deep, throaty moan from the younger, who impulsively clutches the leader’s dark hair and pulls, earning a dark, needy groan. The sound is sinful, vibrating through their mouths in a way that fans a flame burning in Jaebeom’s abdomen. 

That feeling flashes like a red alert in Jaebeom's brain, and he pulls away from Jinyoung, much to the younger man's chagrin. His expression flickers from unbridled desire to disappointment so quick he might have missed it, but Jaebeom leans forward to press a kiss against the corner of his mouth. 

"I'm so sorry, Jinyoung-ah," he pants, and Jinyoung sighs, leaning his forehead against the older boy's to catch his own breath. 

"You said that already." 

Jaebeom pulls back slightly, peering into his eyes. "I am so sorry that I’ve been hurting you all this time,” he repeats, hands curling around Jinyoung’s ribs to pull him closer. “I — it’s not something I expect you to forgive me for. But I never thought in a million years that you’d feel this way about me. So I hid away my own feelings…. I thought for your sake. GOT7’s sake. And my own sake, too, I guess.”

Jinyoung gapes at him, trying to make sense of what the older boy said to him. “What do you mean…. your own feelings?” 

Jaebeom’s eyebrows knit upwards in a pleading expression. “I _want_ you, Jinyoung. To be _only_ mine. If you still want me, too."

Time may have stopped for a good few minutes, Jinyoung couldn't be sure. His heart racing, mind whirring as if trying to catch up with what his oldest friend was saying _— confessing —_ to him. There was no way, right? 

Im Jaebeom _—_ loves him, too. 

Jinyoung lets out a shaky, watery sound, somewhere between a strangled sob and relieved laugh, and lurches forward, throwing his arms around Jaebeom again. The other boy is taken off guard, falling back against the mattress and arms full of Jinyoung with a little _oof._

He's still laughing on top of him, "I can't believe _— there's no way —_ I was, we were both…" Jinyoung sputters. 

Relief pours through them both like rain water in a storm.

"Emotionally… constipated?" Jaebeom offers, and the younger male laughs harder, squeezes around his broad shoulders tighter. Jaebeom joins him in laughing, wrapping an arm around Jinyoung's side and pulling him down to lay beside him. 

Their faces nearly touching each other, Jinyoung lets out a shaky breath. His eyes are still splotchy from tears he didn't realize had even fallen, heart hammering against his chest from Jaebeom's unexpected reconciliation. But the other boy looks back, hand woven together between them _—_ eyes curling happily like two crescent moons, smile brighter than the sun, mumbling three little words _—_ and Jinyoung _knows._

They'll walk this path... together. Wherever it goes.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I suck at wrapping one-shots up lol. As you can probably tell I'm not very experienced with confession scenes/steamy makeouts or anything like that. However! I am trying to practice and *hopefully* work myself up to writing some smut. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. This came out way longer (AND WAY CHEESIER, UGH) than I initially planned. Next chapter, I'm gonna try to keep it lighter, lol, before I die in my black hole of angst 
> 
> Thank you SO much for the bookmarks and kudos on the last chapter. They really make my day and motivate me to keep writing :) 
> 
> Also if there's a certain event in JJP history that you want me to interpret and write about, I'm totally up for suggestions! Hit me up in the comments for a request.


	3. the day

_forever and a day_

_chapter three_ _— the day_

_I think of the days I thought everything was good_

_Days that grew farther away_

_I think of the day I thought everything broke down_

_Days when I used to smile,_

_That are getting forgotten_

/ / 

  
_December, 2020_  
  
  


Sometimes he stares at the sky for so long he feels like dissolving _—_ so far removed from the buzzing power lines hoisted above the cities and the fluorescent neon lights that never stop flickering. One hour, or five, he's never certain, but he lays out there until the echoes of the screaming crowd are finally gone from his ears. He stares up at the dark sky, littered with the moon's companions, its patterns sewn into velvety blackness. 

Until he's very aware of the snow beneath his back, the earth's cool temperature snaking through his veins and to his fingertips and toes, until finally he feels insignificant.

Especially today, for the first time in _years —_ he's not on stage. He's not GOT7's Jinyoung. Not surrounded by hundreds of other idols vying for the top spot or trying to live their dreams, managers and producers and _so many cameras._

Today he's just Jinyoung, a boy laying in the snow, watching the stars. 

It took him a long time to simply be comforted by silence, having been surrounded by music and poetry and the constant thudding of shoes dancing on hardwood floors for longer than he can remember. Jinyoung as a child, the youngest of three, had craved laughter and affection; a teenage Jinyoung sought success and the noise that came with it; but 26-year-old Jinyoung needs silence the most, to calm the heart inside his chest that’s always beat-beat- _beating too fast._

Another's hand curls round his, firm and steady and equally as cold. 

He turns to the owner of that hand, catching the sharp, wolfish black eyes that stare at him wordlessly. Black _—_ like the sky above them, and glittering _—_ like the stars that cross them. They watch each other lazily, and ultimately it's Jinyoung that tugs the other boy closer - _of course_ \- because Jaebeom has always been the patient one. 

Because Jaebeom waited for years and watched the conflict dance in Jinyoung's eyes and still bared his whole heart for _everyone_ to see: the lingering touches, the smiles that lasted long after the cameras stopped rolling. The pure, unadulterated affection that was for Jinyoung only. 

The chill of winter cuts upon their bare cheeks but where their lips connect is like molten fire. When he closes his eyes and Jaebeom flutters his fingers along his jaw, the usual painful throbbing in his chest evens out - beating hard, deep and harmoniously with the boy that holds him. 

He whispers _happy new year,_ pressing matching kisses against each eyelid. 

In the quiet of the night, and the solitude under the black sky, Jinyoung is grateful for the moments they can steal and be together. They're like the stars _—_ glimmering and radiant, and ultimately, inescapable of supernova. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! 
> 
> A little inner JY ramblings to kick off the new year~
> 
> I am currently working on a trainee!JJP chapter, from Jaebeom's POV! And trying to include *humour* which is not a territory I’m familiar with. I hope to be done it soon but it's coming out rather long (again) and I needed a break from it so then I wrote this, lol 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and as always thank you for reading/commenting/kudos, it makes me sososo happy (:


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